Pain

Dear Plutonians,

So I'm sitting here in a coffee shop and feeling a bucket of pain. See, the human mating ritual is very complex. Both sides opt for the best mate that their genetic material can attract. A lot of lip service is given to various attributes, but it always comes down to physical appearance, and then maybe intelligence.

The difficult part is all the game playing. People are hesitant to say, "You are a nice person, but I'm not physically or mentally attracted to you." It would be nicer if people would say that, but the other party is often strung along for various reasons. Perhaps the guy or girl likes other attributes about this person, or they are meeting some other needs, or maybe a person just doesn't want to be alone. 

The person with the unequal feelings is trapped because they really love that person and are always hoping the individual will change his or her mind. Yes, it happens, but rarely. So, feelings are dragged over the coals and the "friendship" continues on.

Both parties can minimize impact with open and honest communication, but Party A may need that person or may be afraid to hurt their feelings.

These relationships are typically where the girl wants a friendship with a guy (it rarely works) and the guy wants a full relationship (aka sex). Sorry, dude, you ain't gonna get it. The best strategy is to be friendly, respectful, but gradually move on. Don't get angry at the other person because no one can help how they feel. But, again, it's best to move on.

So, my friends on the Ice Planet, that is my pointless rambling for today.

God bless.

Shadow People

I only learned about Shadow People about a year ago, and when I did I remembered an incident as a child. At about age 9 I was laying in bed wide awake one dark night. I saw one standing in my bedroom doorway. I thought it was my father and I said, "Dad?" And then it walked away. 

It was a fully formed person, the shape of an average-height man. But it had no form or specific features, only a fuzzy black.

I am told that Shadow People are spirits that are trapped between dimensions. 

More recently I learned that animals can be Shadow People too. About a year ago my companion and I were on a night hike, and wearing our head lamps. I saw what looked like a shadow bobcat pass in front of me. It was black and had the shape of an animal, but it was perfectly silent and fuzzy. I never told my hiking partner because I didn't want her to think I was crazy.

Maybe it was just a shadow created from my light, but it sure seemed real to me. 

Loneliness and Boredom

Dear Pluto,

Thirty-five years ago I was in college. I was a full-time student and worked two jobs. I worked all day on Saturdays as a yardman. On Saturday evenings I was so exhausted that I rarely went out. I did a little homework and went to bed early. I laid in bed with my lamp on, as if that would change things. I laid there and stared at the ceiling. The boredom and loneliness were crushing.

In the morning would come boring church. Then, on Monday morning I would be back in school. In the afternoon I worked at the school newspaper, Monday through Thursday. On Friday and Saturday I did maintenance and yard work for a city newspaper.

Now, several decades later, I am divorced and unemployed. I'm laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, and the same loneliness and boredom are crushing me. I see friends and family members who have the same struggle. I envy those happy couples who are doing activities with friends and out having fun. I had little of that.

Pluto, you are a lonely planet in the far reaches of the solar system. You understand me. They humiliated you by downgrading your status from a planet to a dwarf. I protested, but to no avail.

I've had girlfriends and a wife for 32 years. I'm a pretty normal guy. But nothing seems to fill the holes in my life. Maybe I'm eternally depressed. Watching TV bores me. Sometimes I'm just too tired to do anything. So, I open my laptop and type.

The pain never leaves, but I don't even know what causes it. Other than existing in this world.

Todd

A Reminder That I Am Someone

Well, here I am again, 10 months later. I just lost my job of 26 years, so now I have time to blog. In reading my last post from September 2016, I can say that my attitude and outlook have changed tremendously.

I'm 57 years old now. Divorced, jobless. I'm trying to find where my passion is for my next career, but haven't found it yet.

I do like to write, so now I blog. A friend just told me, "Think about what you loved doing as a child and pursue that as a career." Well, I wrote my first short story at age 8. I took every creative writing class that I could during school, and took independent studies writing classes. I loved my English classes.

Also in junior high school I started working on the yearbook and newspaper staffs, and continued that through high school and college. During my sophomore year in college I also started working at the local newspaper. I started out as a yardman and worked in various departments until I ended up in the newsroom as a reporter. A year later I became editor of a small town newspaper. After a short stint in the security business, I became a trade magazine editor. From there I joined a publishing house and was an executive editor by age 31, with 20 people reporting to me. I then jumped to another job where I was editor of an industry trade magazine. There, I worked for many years and had a good life. I was able to raise my kids and enjoyed a secure job. The work week was only 37.5 hours, so I had time to devote to volunteer work. I was the cofounder of a computer club in 1988, and became president in 1994. Also in 1994 I cofounded a church, and was ordained as a lay minister in January 1996. In 2013 I became president of another computer user group. In 2014 I became director of a statewide professional society.

In 1997, I joined the Sierra Club and became a passionate activist. During my years with the Club I've received 10 awards. I worked my way up to chair of my local group and then vice chair of the state chapter. I also served as state secretary and state and local newsletter editor. I was on a national committee. I worked on various committees, including fundraising, political, and conservation. I set up an adopt-a-mile program for my local group. I cleaned trash out of creeks. I became a speaker for the Club's population and urban sprawl campaigns. And much more. My proudest accomplishments in life are the successful political and conservation campaigns that I took a part in.

Now, fast forward to 2017. Here I am, just laid off from work, along with my staff. The nonprofit I was working for was taken over by a management company. I sort of feel lost now. I've only been unemployed once in my career, for 2-1/2 months. That was 34 years ago.

I'm not sure what to do now. After all my accomplishments in life I now feel like a discarded piece of trash. I'm now in my third week of unemployment. I'm trying to stay busy to keep away the depression. I have dreams of starting my own business, but the time investment is massive and the profit is small. Or maybe I will try a career change.

Not sure. But, anyway, I write to you, the planet Pluto because I know you are out there in cold, deep space. You are my friend, as corny as that sounds. Goodbye for now.