Religion Revisited

As I grow older my opinion on religion keeps changing. I do find theology and our enslavement to it very fascinating.

I will make a few observations:

• Physics - I do not believe any being can break the laws of physics. If the laws are broken that just means we didn't fully understand them or there are more laws to be discovered.
• Technology - For a being to do some super power cool thing, like read our minds, there must be some sort of technology in place. Perhaps it's so advanced we don't understand it. If a supreme being is not using technology, then maybe he's listening to us from another dimension.
• Magic - If you tell me your god can do amazing things, like heal sick people, and he can do it without physics or technology, then, by default, he's using magic. When I was a child I went to my friend Neil's birthday party, and his parents hired a magician to entertain us. I was absolutely amazed at the tricks. But, that's just it — the magician was just doing tricks, so it's not magic. Perhaps our entire existence is just a clever trick.

Jesus Christ Superstar

I've read most of the Old Testament and have read the New Testament several times. I went regularly to church most of my life. I was a youth leader, Sunday School teacher, Christian camp leader, church newsletter editor, and ministry leader. In 1996 I was ordained as a lay leader and still have the paperwork. So, I can tell you that I know the Bible pretty well. I can say that the Jesus of the New Testament and the typical conservative evangelical are a complete mismatch. The Jesus I believe in was a cool hippy who hung out with the outcasts of society and fought against the establishment. He was a good socialist who lived communally with his followers. The American version of Christianity is obsessed with a certain version of morality, which is more aligned with the dominant white culture. It's a big culture war between overeducated urban dwellers and minorities against good American country folk. Strangely, the Christians in America have become the establishment. They have built complex religious institutions and have jumped into politics, where they try to force their moral values into public policy.

Anyway, I'm not sure if Jesus ever existed or if he is a composite of several characters. But the Jesus as depicted in the Bible is an overall cool guy, and I believe in him. 

Ultimately, I have to go with whatever Dr. Bart D. Ehrman says, as he is the most distinguished and respected scholar on the New Testament. I've read some of his articles and watched some of his lectures on YouTube. If he says that Jesus Christ is a fictional character, then I must go with that.

Intellectual Dishonesty

I wrestle with the pros and cons of religion all the time. One the one hand, religious groups are doing great good in the world. But, ultimately, their whole premise is built around a lie, and I don't believe any good can ever come of that. Most religious people simply perpetuate the belief system that was drilled into them as a child. I look forward to the day when American churches are like Scandinavian churches. I've seen a few times where ministers in Denmark and Sweden are asked if they believe in god, and they respond "no." But they continue to do great work in their communities. Hopefully, U.S. churches will soon be like that, and also more into helping and less into politics.

Mythology Packages

I know that my post here will offend some people. But please don't be offended. Just show me the slightest proof that your god exists and I'll become your most zealous member. Everyone carries with them what I call "mythology packages," which are a collection of stories. Religion is weird to me because it simply stamps certain belief systems as "legitimate," and then the leaders of those belief systems are given a license to lie. If I told you that Zeus would save your soul, some people would throw their drinks in my face. But if I say "Jesus Christ will save your soul," well, that falls under the "religion" package, and I become a cool guy.

As one famous skeptic said, "Religion does some good and does some bad, but it does more bad than good." I think eradicating these primitive belief systems from the planet is important to humanity's forward progress. Ancient goat herder religions have tied us down long enough. Let's move forward!

Photo credit: https://pixabay.com

My Uncompleted Novels

I've loved to write all my life and at age 8 I wrote my first short story.  All I remember is that it was about a guy in jail. Starting in middle school I took all the creative writing classes I could, and I spent the 7th and 8th grades in an independent studies program, where I wrote for an hour each day. Throughout middle school, high school, and college I served on the yearbook staff and campus newspaper.

I was editor of my college newspaper and after graduation I became a newspaper reporter and then editor of a small town newspaper. From there I worked as an editor for most of my career.

I did most of my writing in my teens and early 20s. Once I got married I was eager to settle into a routine and write every evening after work.

Now, here I am, 30+ years later, and unemployed. The extra time has given me time to reflect, and I've been thinking about how much I loved to write. During my peak writing years I started 5 novels, but never finished them. I would write passionately for a while and then run out of steam. Each time I would be determined to complete my work, but the plot became boring or redundant, or whatever.

Here are the uncompleted works. I'm thinking about picking one and finishing it. Gosh knows I now have the time. I have most of the manuscripts lying around somewhere.

War Without A Cause
Time Period: Ages 12-16
Summary: It's a theme that's stayed in my head all my life. A group of people want to create a new world government that would fix all our global ills. They secretly built a fleet of 10-story tall robots and hid them in underground silos. The elevators lifted them to the surface and they began their invasion of Europe, Russia, and eventually the USA.

Winter Days & Weary Nights
Time Period: Age 16
Summary: A sequel to the first book, but this one gets more into the battle with the USSR. Americans raise two volunteer divisions that are stationed on the border with the Soviet Union. This book deals with feeding the troops, the new world government, and the famous General Larson, who was too cool to wear a military uniform, and instead walked around in a trench coat.

Rebellion in the Judi System
Time Period: Age 23
Summary: I was just out of college and thought I'd take a stab at sci-fi. The book was a play on the Roman Empire on a galactic level. I didn't realize it at the time but I think Star Wars influenced me more than I realized. Those little crappers stole my idea! I did study Latin for two years and was totally into anything Roman, so it was fun to write.

The Trashcan Novel
Time Period: Age 24
Summary: In college I was editor of my college newspaper and I had a guy and girl on the staff who were always together. The guy was a little geeky, so I already suspected he was doomed to be "just friends." Sure enough, one day he came into my office with his hair messed up and looking like a train wreck. His heart had been broken and he proceeded to tell me his story. One of the things he said stayed in my mind forever: "I was so upset last night that I wrote a 50-page poem and then threw it in the trash." I've always thought there was something particularly beautiful about a love you can never have. It's like the knights who said goodbye to their damsels and rode off into battle. Even if they survived, they would never have the woman's heart. Some baron or lord would get it instead. Hey, it sucks, but at least you get to experience that feeling of love, even if it's one way. So, anyway, it provided a great theme for a novel that centered on the beauty and intensity of a totally vain and hopeless love.

The Battlefield Life
Time Period: Age 25
Summary: Okay, this novel was a rip on St. Elmo's Fire and The Big Chill, which both came out around the time of my writing. But, hey, wait a minute, I think they stole MY IDEA. Anyway, the book is about a gang of friends who go through their contentious lives, and occasionally they get together to play a creepy board game with magic powers that takes them through screwed up lives. It's like the game of Life, with a twist of Jumanji. Hey, wait a minute, Jumanji stole my idea as well.

I also wanted to write a book on saving the world, but again, someone beat me to the punch. In 1992 Daniel Quinn wrote the book Ishamel, which drastically changed my life. More on that in a future post.

Pain

Dear Plutonians,

So I'm sitting here in a coffee shop and feeling a bucket of pain. See, the human mating ritual is very complex. Both sides opt for the best mate that their genetic material can attract. A lot of lip service is given to various attributes, but it always comes down to physical appearance, and then maybe intelligence.

The difficult part is all the game playing. People are hesitant to say, "You are a nice person, but I'm not physically or mentally attracted to you." It would be nicer if people would say that, but the other party is often strung along for various reasons. Perhaps the guy or girl likes other attributes about this person, or they are meeting some other needs, or maybe a person just doesn't want to be alone. 

The person with the unequal feelings is trapped because they really love that person and are always hoping the individual will change his or her mind. Yes, it happens, but rarely. So, feelings are dragged over the coals and the "friendship" continues on.

Both parties can minimize impact with open and honest communication, but Party A may need that person or may be afraid to hurt their feelings.

These relationships are typically where the girl wants a friendship with a guy (it rarely works) and the guy wants a full relationship (aka sex). Sorry, dude, you ain't gonna get it. The best strategy is to be friendly, respectful, but gradually move on. Don't get angry at the other person because no one can help how they feel. But, again, it's best to move on.

So, my friends on the Ice Planet, that is my pointless rambling for today.

God bless.

Shadow People

I only learned about Shadow People about a year ago, and when I did I remembered an incident as a child. At about age 9 I was laying in bed wide awake one dark night. I saw one standing in my bedroom doorway. I thought it was my father and I said, "Dad?" And then it walked away. 

It was a fully formed person, the shape of an average-height man. But it had no form or specific features, only a fuzzy black.

I am told that Shadow People are spirits that are trapped between dimensions. 

More recently I learned that animals can be Shadow People too. About a year ago my companion and I were on a night hike, and wearing our head lamps. I saw what looked like a shadow bobcat pass in front of me. It was black and had the shape of an animal, but it was perfectly silent and fuzzy. I never told my hiking partner because I didn't want her to think I was crazy.

Maybe it was just a shadow created from my light, but it sure seemed real to me. 

Loneliness and Boredom

Dear Pluto,

Thirty-five years ago I was in college. I was a full-time student and worked two jobs. I worked all day on Saturdays as a yardman. On Saturday evenings I was so exhausted that I rarely went out. I did a little homework and went to bed early. I laid in bed with my lamp on, as if that would change things. I laid there and stared at the ceiling. The boredom and loneliness were crushing.

In the morning would come boring church. Then, on Monday morning I would be back in school. In the afternoon I worked at the school newspaper, Monday through Thursday. On Friday and Saturday I did maintenance and yard work for a city newspaper.

Now, several decades later, I am divorced and unemployed. I'm laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, and the same loneliness and boredom are crushing me. I see friends and family members who have the same struggle. I envy those happy couples who are doing activities with friends and out having fun. I had little of that.

Pluto, you are a lonely planet in the far reaches of the solar system. You understand me. They humiliated you by downgrading your status from a planet to a dwarf. I protested, but to no avail.

I've had girlfriends and a wife for 32 years. I'm a pretty normal guy. But nothing seems to fill the holes in my life. Maybe I'm eternally depressed. Watching TV bores me. Sometimes I'm just too tired to do anything. So, I open my laptop and type.

The pain never leaves, but I don't even know what causes it. Other than existing in this world.

Todd

A Reminder That I Am Someone

Well, here I am again, 10 months later. I just lost my job of 26 years, so now I have time to blog. In reading my last post from September 2016, I can say that my attitude and outlook have changed tremendously.

I'm 57 years old now. Divorced, jobless. I'm trying to find where my passion is for my next career, but haven't found it yet.

I do like to write, so now I blog. A friend just told me, "Think about what you loved doing as a child and pursue that as a career." Well, I wrote my first short story at age 8. I took every creative writing class that I could during school, and took independent studies writing classes. I loved my English classes.

Also in junior high school I started working on the yearbook and newspaper staffs, and continued that through high school and college. During my sophomore year in college I also started working at the local newspaper. I started out as a yardman and worked in various departments until I ended up in the newsroom as a reporter. A year later I became editor of a small town newspaper. After a short stint in the security business, I became a trade magazine editor. From there I joined a publishing house and was an executive editor by age 31, with 20 people reporting to me. I then jumped to another job where I was editor of an industry trade magazine. There, I worked for many years and had a good life. I was able to raise my kids and enjoyed a secure job. The work week was only 37.5 hours, so I had time to devote to volunteer work. I was the cofounder of a computer club in 1988, and became president in 1994. Also in 1994 I cofounded a church, and was ordained as a lay minister in January 1996. In 2013 I became president of another computer user group. In 2014 I became director of a statewide professional society.

In 1997, I joined the Sierra Club and became a passionate activist. During my years with the Club I've received 10 awards. I worked my way up to chair of my local group and then vice chair of the state chapter. I also served as state secretary and state and local newsletter editor. I was on a national committee. I worked on various committees, including fundraising, political, and conservation. I set up an adopt-a-mile program for my local group. I cleaned trash out of creeks. I became a speaker for the Club's population and urban sprawl campaigns. And much more. My proudest accomplishments in life are the successful political and conservation campaigns that I took a part in.

Now, fast forward to 2017. Here I am, just laid off from work, along with my staff. The nonprofit I was working for was taken over by a management company. I sort of feel lost now. I've only been unemployed once in my career, for 2-1/2 months. That was 34 years ago.

I'm not sure what to do now. After all my accomplishments in life I now feel like a discarded piece of trash. I'm now in my third week of unemployment. I'm trying to stay busy to keep away the depression. I have dreams of starting my own business, but the time investment is massive and the profit is small. Or maybe I will try a career change.

Not sure. But, anyway, I write to you, the planet Pluto because I know you are out there in cold, deep space. You are my friend, as corny as that sounds. Goodbye for now.

Reflections

skeeze / Pixabay

If I could summarize my life I would say it’s been this meandering search for happiness. This is probably everyone’s ultimate goal. I’ve invested a lot of time trying to find happiness in relationships, and that form of happiness appears to be fleeting and temporary. Apparently, you must find your happiness and contentment from within. It’s now occurring to me that maybe I’m simply not a happy person. For one thing, I’m way too idealistic. I actually care about the state of our environment and human civilization. Our dying environment and the collapse of American democracy keeps me constantly sad.

My search for love is equally elusive. What may seem like a perfect, ideal relationship always appears to have fatal flaws. I’m a nice, loving guy, but something must be wrong with me somewhere inside. I’m beginning to ask, “What’s wrong with me?"

The Final Stretch

Half of me wants to just say “done” and give up on women, career aspirations, social life. That half just wants to focus on house projects, my family, and holding onto my job. I tried to be an environmental and political activist. I tried to be a Christian church leader. I tried to be a corporate warrior. But there’s always some demon inside of me that keeps me frustrated and cynical.

The other half wants to find the woman of my dreams, get married, travel, and enjoy the sunset years. But relationships are so complicated and there is a certain stress to them that eventually wears me out.

Love

When I was in college I fell in love with a girl and loved her so intensely. She dropped me for another guy, and she did not handle it well at all. She simply disappeared. Little did I know the amount of lifetime damage that would have on me, and how it would affect me in my future relationships. If your heart is broken bad enough, and if you are a dreamy, romantic poet at heart like me, then that is it. That’s it for me.

Pain

It’s all around me and it’s there every day, and I can never escape it. First, there is the pain of human violence — the mass shootings and terrorism. Second, there is the pain of all the broken relationships all around me. Some of these involved me, and I try to fix them, and others are beyond my control. The whole human experience is about relationships, breaking them, building new ones, etc… I suppose it’s part of being human.

The Point of This

I could just be a hermit, rarely leaving my house. I can just sit around, supporting my children, maintaining my health, caring for my pets, but mainly just watching the clock as I get old and fade away. I fought the good fight and I am tired. I wouldn’t mind just living in a rented room and just blogging and reading books. I know few people will ever read my blog posts, and even fewer will ever care. Writing is simply a form of therapy. I actually ever even read my own posts. Once written, they just sit there in the darkness of cyberspace. There, they will sit until the Internet crashes.

The End