Ephemeral Stream

I loved my father so much, but he was gone for much of my life. He was a pilot and was sometimes away for three weeks at a time. By the time he got a job where he could stay home more, I was already in my 20s, moved out, and married. He did make it up to me and during those hard times in my life he was always there. But it didn't last long because by the time I hit my 30s he was diagnosed with cancer, and soon after he was dead.

What I remember most about him is how knowledgeable he was on every topic, and I enjoyed talking to him on a variety of subjects. If it was about aviation he knew everything, and he was also an expert on cars, home repairs, religion, politics, and you name it.

In his final years he restored and sold vintage aircraft and he was an international expert on the T-28 military trainer airplane. He would get calls from around the world and I remember him in the evenings jabbering away with people, always giving free advice. As he laid on his death bed I once commented that it was ashamed that all his massive knowledge would be lost.

All our brains are like an ephemeral stream, which flow for a short time after a rain, and then stop. So, during my 15 years of blogging and after 400-plus posts, I've tried to empty out my brain as much as I can. All my older posts can be found on my environmental blog, We Live on a Planet. I've dispersed my writings to five different blogs, and should they all crash, or should the host close them, I have all the email copies somewhere.

While I enjoy the support of a few faithful readers, for the most part my blogs go unread. If anything, the writing simply helps me to sort out my thoughts as I spend my life trying to figure out what it means to be human.

Epiphany #1

Today I had a life-changing epiphany. I've decided to dedicate the rest of my life to environmental and social sustainability, and teaching nature awareness. It would be a dream to do this kind of work for a living, but right now I have no idea how to achieve that goal. In the past three years I've developed a special love for hiking, and now that's all I want to do — hike in the woods with my dog Lucky and get away from all the shit.

Epiphany #2

I had another big epiphany yesterday. In 1997 when I was still a church leader my love for the environment started coming back to me, from my childhood days. There was a huge building boom going on in the Atlanta suburbs and seeing so many forests bulldozed was killing my soul. I began doing research and learned that global population was the issue where I could make the most difference. So, I joined the Sierra Club and immediately got involved in their population program. I also worked fiercely in their urban sprawl campaign.

Now, 22 years later, I've learned that laws to limit family size will never work, and are a human rights issue. I now see that access to family planning, women's education, and gender equality are the only way to address our exploding population. It suddenly hit me today that these initiatives are, in effect, a form of birth control. 

The Meaning of Life

As an evolutionist and as an animal, I have peace in knowing my purpose for this life. My purpose is to be here to support my family, friends, and anyone else with a good heart. And my purpose is to support the deer who know me in the forest, and all other animals. My purpose is to support candidates and public policies that move us in a positive direction. There is plenty for me to do in life. When someone has a need I want to be there for them, even if just being there is all I can do.

I don't have a girlfriend, but I have some lady friends whom I love deeply. Each of them, as well as my male friends, have given me new perspectives and a greater understanding of my being. I will die alone, and that's okay, for today I've decided to become an environmental priest. There is no time for drinking, parties, or movies — there is only time for the goal of protecting nature and making this world better.

I have always vowed to be as good a father to my daughters as my father was to me. I have big shoes to fill. But as long as I breathe I will always be there for them. 

Fear

My thoughts keep evolving and in the past few weeks I've learned how fear plays such a major role in religion and ultra nationalism. The entire underlying theme of conservatism is fear, and how half of America responds to it. I have no ill-will toward any conservative or Republican, but I have a difficult time understanding them. However, I pledge to always listen and to try to see their viewpoint. These red hat wearing Americans are not my opponents, but rather my fellow citizens who believe in a different path. Nonetheless, creating mythology and lies to provide self-comfort is never good. I'm learning that the truth is always the right course, no matter how painful and scary it may be.

Epiphany #3

This leads to my third epiphany, which is that conservatives are simply running behind in our social evolution. I thank them for not letting change happen too quickly. As always they will have to be dragged forward to every level of enlightenment and then we'll have to hear the usual, "I never said that" and "I never did that." It was a fight, but we finally got them to let go of slavery and Jim Crow laws, and they finally have let up on the gay-bashing some, thanks to Trump making the brown-skinned people the new boogeyman. But some progress is being made. No, I don't see the red hats carrying reusable sacks in the grocery store, but at least they are letting women vote now. So, there is progress.

Photo: Daniil Silantev