Alive

I love hiking in the dark, cold, and rain. Why? Because it's surreal. For a brief moment I am detached from my world and I get to briefly exist in another world that is far better.

Last Wednesday my hiking partner and I were on the last leg of our hike on a rainy evening. I stopped for a moment and looked up through the forest canopy, and through the choppy clouds I could see the evening sky. I stopped and stared. I thought to myself, "For this very brief moment in time, I am alive."

Thoughts of the Past

I am now close to the same age my dad was when he was diagnosed with cancer. Two years later he was dead at age 61. My dad was a career pilot and in his last years he restored old military training planes and sold them. He was an expert on a particular aircraft type and people from all over the world would call and ask him questions. I was proud of my dad. One day, while he was on his death bed, I said it was ashamed that all his vast aviation knowledge would be lost. He just shrugged his shoulders and said something like, "There's nothing that can be done about it."

So, perhaps that is why I like to blog. I have a lot to say and I feel driven to spit out as much as I can before the finish line. My theme has always been the same — saving the world.

I'm glad I started blogging again. As I get older the days, months, and years fly by at lightning fast speed. As I look back most of my life is a blur. I want to put my existence to good use, but I have a tiring job and a long commute to work. By the end of the day there is little of me left to do much of anything. Right now I am in basic survival mode.

The Miracle of Life

I live in the southern U.S. where people are warm and friendly, but also very religious and devoid of critical thinking. Most people here just go through their lives, focused on their immediate gratification, and few people think about the miracle of our existence. Many just brush it off with the simple statement that "God made us." I believe that we are the product of billions of years of evolution, which began even before our planet was born. We are all alien visitors. We started out as cells that hitchhiked on a meteor and we slowly evolved into what we are today -- high functioning bipeds that make fantastically complex machines from materials in the ground. We wrap ourselves in elaborate religions and myths, yet we are still simple animals.

Everyday I am in awe of me, this highly complex animal that has a consciousness. If not for us, the Universe would be a cold, dark place. But we fill the empty voids by our ability to be aware, and our ability to reflect, and process thoughts and feelings.

The Mission

I am a 58-year-old blogger who loves nature and animals. I helped to start two churches, which both ultimately failed. I co-founded a computer user group, which lasted 11 years. I held many positions in the Sierra Club, and eventually rose to the position of vice chair of the state chapter. During my years as an activist I worked hard on the Political Committee and successfully got a few green politicians into office. Some were swept out at the next election, while others lingered on for a while. But they are all out of office now. So, when I think about my successes in life, I have few. My two greatest successes in life are my daughters, who both have good jobs and are productive citizens. My other successes are the few people who said that I inspired them, and who went on to do great things. But other than that, I have little to show for my nearly six decades on the planet.

But, oh, since I started blogging in 2004 I've written over 400 posts. I was editor and/or director of the Georgia Sierra Club newsletter for six years, and editor of my local Sierra Club newsletter. I was editor of newsletters for two different computer user groups. I was editor of my church newsletter. Hey, I can write, I suppose. Maybe in all that writing I inspired or educated someone. I hope.

Here I Am Today

So, what will I do with my last stretch of life? Every day I try to be kind and caring to my fellow humans and to animals. I say kind words to people at stores and restaurants. I am funny and try to make people laugh because it feels good to laugh. I try to keep loving, although it always seems to go bad. I love because I hope that someday someone will love me back the way I love them. 

I keep marching forward. I have taken some huge hits the last few years and I wonder how I will survive financially through my final days. But then I think about the many people who were knocked completely down and climbed back up. I think about the ants — they are already rebuilding before you even finish stomping on their mound. The little guys inspire me.

Photo Credit: Max Saeling